“but it only hurts me”

I remember telling my friend, when I started my step four in my recovery work, that some things weren’t important because they only hurt me. My friend called bullshit on that and she also said that I am of value and when I hurt myself I’ve still hurt someone. Often, the things that I thought

devotion to mary

Two years ago, if you had told me I’d have a particular devotion to Mary, and to the rosary, I’d have laughed to your face. It’s not that I had a problem with Mary necessarily, it was that I didn’t know her and didn’t feel the need to know her. I respected other people’s devotion

living liturgically (season one, episode three, advent 2021)

One day, as I was wandering around in a Goodwill store, I found a photograph of a stained glass window of the annunciation. I purchased it and hung it above one of my prayer altars. I’m thankful that Advent highlights the stories of some of the women in the Bible. This year, my church used

sorrowful mysteries in a time of grief

“Mystery is The Crowning with Thorns. The fruit of this mystery is moral courage. This is where I realized that sometimes things are just messed up and there’s nothing I can do about it. It takes me courage to give myself permission to grieve, and it takes courage to face what happened and let Jesus heal it. “

finding jesus this holiday season

I see him as I pull into the drive-thru, and despite what I’ve been through myself, I want to pretend I didn’t see. He’s huddled up in a blanket, looking like he’s seen much better days, and he’s leaning against the wall outside the building. I get to the box and I order my food,

special devotions – chaplet of st michael

I’m completely and utterly allergic to those pretty looking books with flowers or a scenic picture or something trendy on the cover that contain devotional readings. I’ve been allergic to devotionals for quite some years now, and the allergy gets worse with time, and so I must have minimal exposure in order to survive my

some of my conversations with the saints #1

St. John the Baptist: “John the Baptist, I relate to you some, since you were crazy and offbeat and misunderstood and lonely just like me, but bro, you couldn’t have been known as John the something else? Baptist has way too many connotations for me.” St. Peter the Apostle: “Peter, I so get you. I

the woman caught in adultery

One day, while Jesus was on earth, a bunch of people brought a woman they considered to be scum, to Jesus, and dumped her at his feet. They wanted him to condemn her, and she was an easy target considering she had done something that society saw as terrible. These people were not interested in

the addict’s rosary

There is no addict’s rosary, but praying the sorrowful mysteries often reminds me of powerlessness. One of the first things an addict in recovery does is admit powerlessness. I don’t like it any more now than I did when I first started recovery, but it’s necessary all the same. Without admitting powerlessness, I can’t get

invitation from jesus

I run the prayer rope through my thumb and index finger on my right hand, which now has a blister on it from the many hundreds of knots I’ve slid through in the hour I’ve been praying. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. I feel guilty as sin about